The tactics of manipulation in everyday life in one way or another is inherent in every person. But it happens that such a way to achieve their goals becomes unbearable for others and the manipulator itself. After all, often a person acts not completely, or even not at all consciously. They are led by previously laid psychological programs. The communication model, built on twitching strings, is destructive for both sides. It is noteworthy that the purpose of the manipulator is not based on hurting others. This is a kind of call of love, but in a distorted form.
What the manipulator initially calculates:
- Antipathy to his person;
- Unwillingness to communicate with him;
- Irritability of others;
- Frequent conflicts;
- Full ignore by relatives and friends.
How to detect signs of a manipulator in your behavior and what to do in order to get rid of the puppeteer’s destructive habit? Let’s figure it out.
Why do we become manipulators?
An infant is already capable of manipulation from the very first days of life. With cries, he reports that he requires warmth and attention. This is a completely natural process. Do not forget that for everyone is important, first of all, their own comfort and safety. So inherent in our nature. But, with age, a person can accept a manipulative scenario of behavior as the norm. Further, the skill is honed and takes intricate forms.
How to stop manipulating?
Destructive manipulation is a dependency. But to overcome it is quite realistic. The continuer of the case of Abraham Maslow psychologist Everett Shostrom in his scientific work entitled “Man-Manipulator” is confident that erroneous internal settings induce people to such actions. They, in turn, form the wrong model of interaction with society. To stop manipulating behavior this is a very important step.
As a healthy alternative to destructive manipulation, Shomstrom proposes that the manipulator be turned into an “actualizer”.
Who is the actualizer? This is a person who has recognized his shortcomings, including the tendency to manipulate. He accepts himself to be anyone, and, therefore, he no longer needs to pretend and play roles. And the actualizer fully takes responsibility for his own emotions. He chooses to be offended by loved ones or to let go of the situation with a light heart. The actualizer accepts himself and others as they are. Here is the cherished key to gaining freedom. End of the day you need to stop being manipulative.
Of course, the actualizer also encounters obstacles on his way. Changing tactics with others can be perceived with hostility. After all, from now on you will not hide your true intentions and emotions. But, a person who has retreated from manipulative behavior, will save himself and his loved ones from painful chronic resentment, understatement and misunderstanding. From now on, your actions are ruled by sincerity and awareness. You have to try to not be manipulative to the best extent.
But, becoming an actualizer, it is not at all necessary to completely abandon manipulation. Moreover, in the realities of life this is impossible. The principal difference will be that now you will not make claims to people and wish them to respond to your requests. The priority for the actualizer is responsibility: “I am responsible for my emotions and actions, and those around me for my own”.